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No Particular Place to Be

View from my porch.

By Kevin Alan Lamb

Waking Monday morning with no particular place to be. Feeling good from the day before and the attention I gave me. A little soul shine, shaping these words of mine, we all gotta find the best way to love our time. It isn’t seamless, it isn’t dreamless, but it sure is in there somewhere and maybe someone out there can help you find it.

It feels like summer and smells like spring; the sun feels like happiness dancing on my skin. Where will the allure of the sun take you? Is it good or bad memories you let shape you? Have you healed from hurt but let go of hope? Have you put the pieces back together yet wonder why they feel like they still don’t fit just right? Maybe you are not the man you were before. Maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe it’s time to sing a different song… One that doesn’t only sound right, but breathes rhythm and harmony into your life, and when that song comes to a conclusion this time, will you be able to let it go quicker or will you suffer because you loved her? Because you hadn’t loved in so long.

Feelings are powerful when they feel purposeful, and pain leaves its fingerprints long after its initially absorbed. I believe we are intended to remember those who hurt us, and inflict great pain. Even though it isn’t the memories we wish to make, pain reminds us how much we cared for someone and teaches us to fill our memories with the whole story, rather than just a snapshot of an experiences conclusion. It’s taken me time to absorb the impact of being hurt by a woman I loved, and may always love in the wild and weird way that makes me human and capable of love to begin with. It was good to be reminded the way I’m capable of feeling when focused on another, even if that focus shook my world for a little while. It was apparently what I needed and in some weird way I’m grateful for it, even if it hurt like hell, until it didn’t.

There’s something to be said about timing; the way a poet crafts words by rhyming. Time, though circular, rarely unfolds as a parallel with those magnetism draws us towards. It’s a little egotistical to believe that when we finally fall in love, we’d be so lucky to have that loved returned in the way we hoped, even though we had every indication that it wasn’t the right time. But no matter the outcome it is a beautiful phenomena to love another; and even in its absence or passing, we will forever retain a portion of that love and it will endure as a series of memories that move us in the direction of the man or woman we’ll grow to be.

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